Title: Brave Leadership: Daring to Establish Authentic Context for Challenging Discussions
In the corner of a tech company, senior leader Steve was growing frustrated with one of his team members, Peter. While Steve had conveyed some feedback to Peter, it seemed Peter was still underperforming. Feeling exasperated, Steve sighed, "I've tried everything, and Peter just isn't getting the job done. If this keeps up, I might have to let him go."
Sound familiar? That's the dilemma many leaders face when faced with having tough conversations. They find themselves struggling to maintain sincerity and effectiveness without resorting to insincere niceties. So, let's dive into how to have tough conversations and truly connect with the person on the receiving end.
Before diving into the content of the feedback, connecting with the person is vital. This is where Stephen Covey's adage—"connect before you correct"—shines bright. Start the conversation by acknowledging the person, "Hey Peter, how are you doing today?"
Establishing a powerful context is essential after connecting with the individual. This part of the conversation often falters for many leaders. Here are four crucial principles to help you set a powerful context:
- Place yourself in the conversation: Instead of speaking through a third party, take ownership of the conversation. Communicate support and care with "I" statements, such as "I want to talk with you."
- Set the intensity level: Be transparent about the intensity of the conversation. Is it a leisurely stroll or a mountain-climbing expedition? Steve started with "they want it to be a little better." But Peter wasn't aware of the urgency, leaving him unaware of the need for change.
- Establish fit altitude: Frame the conversation correctly by considering its breadth. Is it an isolated incident or a broader pattern of behavior? Ensure it's neither too narrow, like focusing on a project deliverable, nor too broad, like a vague issue with performance.
- Check for readiness: Not everyone is ready for a tough conversation, so ensure it's the right time. Encourage the individual to choose the time and place that works best for them.
By following these principles, you can ensure that you have an open, sincere, and effective conversation, surpassing that watered-down, insincere niceness that can lead to confusion and disconnect.
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Hylke Faber might find the principles mentioned beneficial in his leadership role, as they can help him have tough conversations effectively. After setting a powerful context, Hylke could ask Peter, "How do you feel about our recent team performance, and specifically, your role in it?"
