Strategies Proposed by a Psychologist for Overcoming 'Solitude' in Your Marriage

Strategies Proposed by a Psychologist for Overcoming 'Solitude' in Your Marriage

In the thick of even the most solid marriages, feelings of isolation can sneak up on you. It's a harsh reality that many couples grapple with, often in silence. You might share a home, a daily routine, and a deep affection, yet still feel emotionally disconnected. Life's stresses, unspoken grudges, or simply drifting apart over time can lead to this void.

But hold up! Loneliness in a marriage isn't set in stone. In fact, groundbreaking research published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy in 2025 points to two powerful tools that can help counteract the impact of loneliness on marriage – gratitude and forgiveness.

So, how can you and your beloved incorporate these powerful allies into your shared journey? Let's dive in!

The perfect duo: Gratitude, Forgiveness, and Loneliness in Marriage

Before the pandemic, Dr. Chelom Leavitt was mostly concerned with common marital issues. But when she noticed a spike in loneliness amongst couples, she felt a spark. "I wrote a blog about it, and it went viral,” she shared with PsyPost. "I thought, 'This has touched a nerve, and we need to explore this.'" As a result, Leavitt and her team set out to discover the effects of gratitude and forgiveness on the link between loneliness and relationship satisfaction.

They analyzed the feelings of 1,614 newlywed couples, looking at their levels of loneliness, their ability to forgive their spouse, how frequently they expressed gratitude, and their overall satisfaction with their marriage. The findings were as clear as day – loneliness was indeed linked to lower relationship satisfaction for both husbands and wives. Loneliness could drag down the happiness in your marriage, but fortunately, that's hardly the whole story.

When spouses consistently practiced gratitude and forgiveness, the negative impact was significantly mitigated, meaning their marriage had a much lower likelihood of suffering. Interestingly, when husbands forgiveness blossomed, it also boosted their wives' relationship satisfaction, even when the husbands themselves were feeling lonely. This indicates that forgiveness has a broader, rippling effect on a relationship.

"Loneliness may be inevitable to some extent, but we don't have to be its victims," explains Leavitt. "We can take a proactive stance and invest in our well-being by practicing a little more gratitude and forgiveness with ourselves and our partners."

At times, it may feel like you're on a deserted island, both you and your spouse navigating separate worlds instead of a shared one. But sometimes, all you need is a reminder to recognize the good in each other and release the negative energies that no longer serve you.

Cultivating Gratitude in Your Marriage

Many people assume gratitude is solely about offering heartfelt "thank yous." But true gratitude is so much more – it's about fully appreciating your partner and your relationship, even during the seemingly ordinary moments. Over time, couples can fall into a rut, taking each other for granted, especially in long-term relationships.

The mundane things like coffee brewed without asking, "How was your day?" conversations after work, funny or flirty memes, jars opened, lunches packed, outings with the kids – these "little things" may go unacknowledged, but they're the building blocks of a strong marriage. Taking a concerted effort to recognize these small expressions of love can significantly bolster your connection.

Here's how to kick things off:

• Show, don't just tell. Skip the generic "thank yous" and get specific, like, "I appreciate you making my coffee this morning; it really made my day special." Or, "I treasure how understanding you are with the kids; it honestly helps bring peace to our home."
• Establish a gratitude routine. Some couples find it extremely helpful to exchange one thing they're grateful for about each other before bed or over dinner. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture; sometimes, the "little things" you appreciate most matter most.
• Always search for the good. When things aren't simply perfect – because let's be real, they rarely are – gratitude helps shift your focus. Instead of dwell on what your partner failed to do, appreciate what they did do, and acknowledge it.

Lastly, don't forget to extend gratitude towards yourself. Take a moment to acknowledge your own contributions – your kindness, your sense of humor, your ability to keep things running smoothly – because you deserve it, too. In some cases, loneliness stems from a lack of self-worthiness rather than your partner's actions.

Forgiveness: For Your Partner and Yourself

Forgiveness is often misunderstood as forgetting past wounds and pretending they never happened. But the truth is, forgiveness is about releasing resentment, allowing it to no longer weigh on you or your relationship. Like gratitude, forgiveness is a practice that benefits both you and your partner.

Here's how to put forgiveness into practice in your relationship:

• Always grant the benefit of the doubt. Rather than viewing mistakes as proof that your partner doesn't care, try to see them as human errors. Maybe they were under pressure, distracted, or unaware of the impact of their actions on you.
• Forgive the little things. Not every imperfection is worth damning your relationship over. If your partner forgets to take out the trash, leaves their socks on the floor, or snaps after a long day, consider whether it's worth holding onto, or if you can let it go.
• Lead by example. Show your forgiveness through actions, rather than just words. A soothing touch, a thoughtful gesture, or simply moving past a mistake without bringing it up again demonstrates that you choose your partner over resentment.

Just like gratitude, forgiveness shouldn't be limited to your partner. Practice forgiveness towards yourself, too. Forgive yourself for your mistakes, and avoid the trap of judging yourself too harshly. By holding yourself to an unrealistic standard, you isolate yourself, both emotionally and mentally, and that's not a place of fulfillment!

When left ignored, feelings of isolation can become a silent undercurrent in your marriage. But by focusing on the good in each other, you can overcome the isolation and experience the deep, heartfelt satisfaction that truly makes marriage a beautiful journey.

Feeling the weight of isolation in your relationship? Take this science-backed test to learn more: Loneliness in Intimate Relationships Scale

Resources

1. Leavitt, C., Timmons, A. M., Timmons-Mitchell, C. N., Lovenox, D., Melka, N., & Evensen, D. (2021). Literally in it together: Positive hedonic adaptation to interdependence in romantic relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 117(6), 1745–1759. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407520978750
2. McCullough, M., Kilpatrick, M., & Coblentz, M. (2001). The benefits of feeling gratitude: A test and review of its positive effects on health and well-being. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 10(5), 119–123. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-8721.00348
3. Fincham, F. D., Beach, S. R. H., & Talley, M. (1997). Gender differences in the augmenting and buffering effects of positive communication on marital functioning. Journal of Marriage and Family, 59(2), 389–400. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.1997.0033.x
4. Fincham, F. D., Beach, S. R. H., & Helms, J. E. (2000). Forgiveness theories in family research: A critical review and suggestions for future directions. Journal of Family Psychology, 14(3), 255–265. https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0000043

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Incorporating gratitude and forgiveness into a marriage is an effective strategy to combat feelings of loneliness in a relationship, as suggested by recent research and related studies. Here are strategies for incorporating gratitude and forgiveness in your marriage:

Strategies for Incorporating Gratitude and Forgiveness

1. Practice Gratitude

• Express Thanks: Acknowledge your partner for their actions and support through verbal and written thanks or by keeping a gratitude journal.
• Appreciate Small Acts: Acknowledge and appreciate the small gestures your partner makes to strengthen your bond and create a positive atmosphere in your relationship.

2. Cultivate Forgiveness

• Let Go of Resentment: Practice forgiveness by actively releasing and moving past resentments, past hurts, and negative feelings towards your partner.
• Open Communication: Engage in open and honest communication about past wounded emotions, transgressions, and behaviors to foster healing and understanding in your relationship.

3. Combine Gratitude and Forgiveness

• Mindfulness and Reflection: Regularly reflect on your relationship, focusing on both the positive aspects of gratitude and the ability to forgive past mistakes.
• Emotional Intimacy: Use gratitude and forgiveness to enhance emotional intimacy, which helps bring couples closer together and alleviate feelings of loneliness.

4. Address Loneliness Directly

• Acknowledge and Discuss Loneliness: Recognize, discuss, and address feelings of loneliness openly with your partner, allowing each partner to understand and support the other's emotional needs.
• Shared Activities and Experiences: Engage in shared activities, interests, and experiences to develop and foster a deeper and more meaningful connection that helps alleviate feelings of loneliness.

1. According to research from 2025, feelings of loneliness in marriages can be mitigated by the practice of gratitude and forgiveness, proven to significantly improve relationship satisfaction.
2. In their study, Dr. Chelom Leavitt and her team found that husbands who displayed forgiveness also boosted their wives' relationship satisfaction, indicating a broader, positive impact on the relationship.
3. To create stronger connections and counteract the effects of loneliness in a marriage, couples can focus on acknowledging small acts of service, practicing gratitude rituals, and releasing resentment through acts of forgiveness.

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